i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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