I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
