I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
