I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
