he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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