I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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