did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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