I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
third nipple confirmed
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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