Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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