My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
