I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
zippers are such a cool invention
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
