i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You have to summon your inner elephant
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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