anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
