I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
