cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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