And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
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I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
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Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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