And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
