I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
