My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
