Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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