I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
