What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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