giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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