I'm gonna have a badass scar
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
