maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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