Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
