i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
