If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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