I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
