So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
