If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
