He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
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