she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
