One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
