Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
