We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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