my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
