I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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