why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
