Welp...herpes.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
