He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
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Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
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I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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