They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
