guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
