Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
