Umm I'm too high to move.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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