You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
