she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
