Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
