I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
