Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
