After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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