She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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