Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
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btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
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My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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