I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize