you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
