I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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