I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
