i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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