Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
