if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
