Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
