I just pynch a tree in the face
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize