3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my being single is dangerous.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
