apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
