How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
