dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
