Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
